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Stick figures and figuring it all out.

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This writing was turned spoken at women's conference web talk in October.  You know when you were little and you got asked “what do you want to be when you grow up” and you had to draw a picture of a doctor, firefighter, teacher, astronaut, an artist, a mom…everyone started scribbling and coloring right away. Me, well, I would stare at that blank paper the whole time and finally at the last minute, as the teacher was calling to pass them forward, I would quickly draw a stick figure that would resemble some sort of occupation of what a grown up was supposed to be doing. Or maybe all of them smashed together because you had no idea what you wanted to be. I floated through the years... existing. Being one of those kids who everyone knew about but never felt like I fit in just right with any one crowd. I was a kid who liked all the things, I was the one who hung out with the outcasts but would still be invited to glitter nail salon sleepovers. In high school the life I thought I was to
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When "How can I help?" starts to sound fake

I will preface this with a "disclaimer" if you will - this post and much of my blogs are writing about my situation, my individual thoughts on what I may be experiencing at the moment or when I feel like writing. I will then develop it into some sort of coherent thought pattern that becomes the blog. I am not an authority figure or trained professional on anything I write about. I write about it with the understanding that I can't possibly be alone in this experience or this particular emotion. I write to help people and to give and probably gain some perspective. So here we go -  I'm a doer, a helper, a figure-it-outer. I'm someone who will ask once and if it doesn't get done, I'll just do it myself. I'm someone who others have came to for advice, a listener, someone that can help them unpack issues. I am also highly-sensitive, an introvert, and an empath. I'm only now really becoming to know what all of that means and how it can work for me.
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Recognizing myself again

It's taken me over 6 months to look at myself in the mirror. I mean, of course I've looked in the mirror...see the messy hair, patchy skin, dark circles, tiredness, unbrushed teeth, acne, gray hairs, vacant stare. I barely recognized the woman I saw there. Yet there was a glimmer there, that fight, that hope started back at me with such force I would be doing myself a disservice if I did not stare back and wave. Many people go through changes, updates, mid-life crises. That is the one major thing about life, it changes you. How you adapt and change with it, is what makes you - you. Life kicked me square in the gut recently and I have to slow down and take a long hard look at what I need to do to overhaul my life. What does one do when they need to make changes.... they get on google, the read all the links, they buy all the products, they subscribe to all the news letters. They do the thing, then they get bored, complacent and feel stuck again. Because, let's face it, s
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Just a moment

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I did it...I finally did it! I actually caught the moment every mom dreams of: I caught my child doing a chore, without being told repeatedly. It was a seemingly small thing, but it was a big resounding scream of respect. I had finished dishes for the evening and child #1 (7 years old) wanted a snack, which then child #2 (3 years old) wants a snack. So child #1 gets a snack, pudding and crackers - it's a thing - which needs a spoon, and they both sat and politely shared the snack. So I steel myself for washing a dish AFTER all the dishes had been for the day. But lo and behold after said snack, I heard the faucet and a then the sound of a dish going in the drainer. I turned around and the following conversation commenced: me: "did you wash your spoon" child: "yes...." me: "wow Thank you so much" child: perplexed at the appreciation "it was only one dish and you did the dishes already" Helping with Dishes Cue the sounds of angels singing and
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What's this... What's this...

What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere What's this? There's white things in the air What's this? I can't believe my eyes I must be dreaming Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair What's this? What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong What's this? There are people singing songs What's this? The streets are lined with Little creatures laughing Everybody seems so happy Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this? There are children throwing snowballs instead of throwing heads They're busy building toys And absolutely no one's dead There's frost on every window I can't believe my eyes And in my bones I feel a warmth That's coming from inside Oh, look What's this? They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss? Why that looks so unique, inspired They're gathering around to hear a story Roasting chestnuts on a fire What's this? What's this?
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Why I don't have a social life.....

I'm a homebody, I'm a hermit, I'm anit-social...call it what you will....I'm an introvert. in·tro·vert ˈintrəˌvərt/ noun noun: introvert ; plural noun: introverts 1 . a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person. Psychology a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things. Many sites will also tell you that introverts expend so much energy while dealing with the day-to-day life that they need consistent time to recharge - ie "ME Time". The physical act of being around people is utterly exhausting to me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to have adult time - talking with my daycare provider, visiting friends(or them visiting me), uninterrupted conversation with my husband, a good family/friends gathering, a nice night out.... but I can't do small talk... it just feels.. awkward and wrong, and truth be told I'm terrible about it. Ask me about the weather a
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It's OK

This saying comes out of the 4 year old's mouth almost constantly.  Most of the time it's in response to me apologizing for not doing something with her or not being able to cater to her needs at the current moment "it's ok mommy", or if she's trying to be independent and I step in to 'help'... "it's ok mommy, I can do it", as well as when I try to be a little over controlling and just do things for her to get it done or when I want her to do something and she's not doing it... "it's ok mommy, I'm still playing with it, it's ok".  And you know what - "IT" is OK.  and in my increasing diminishing energy due to my last month of pregnancy and I'm sure the long recovery and energy usage of having 3 children.... I'm learning that it truly is ok and to simply let go of somethings....and really trying to let go of the 'end of the world', out of control, chaos will ensue feeling that happens
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