Why I don't have a social life.....
I'm a homebody, I'm a hermit, I'm anit-social...call it what you will....I'm an introvert.
Many sites will also tell you that introverts expend so much energy while dealing with the day-to-day life that they need consistent time to recharge - ie "ME Time".
The physical act of being around people is utterly exhausting to me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to have adult time - talking with my daycare provider, visiting friends(or them visiting me), uninterrupted conversation with my husband, a good family/friends gathering, a nice night out.... but I can't do small talk... it just feels.. awkward and wrong, and truth be told I'm terrible about it. Ask me about the weather and I'll look around and it'll seem like I haven't noticed(because I haven't), then I'll smile and nod and be like "yeah *insert adjective* day". Conversations around my house between the kids and I are mainly "how was your day"....usually followed up with some sort of 'good' and maybe a few sentences about the particular day....throw in a few prompting questions "what did you and so and so do, did you go outside, what did you have for lunch"... then that's the end of it. I do a lot of so yeahh's at the end of the conversations with my husband and teenager because I don't know what else to say.
Many articles I read about introverted parents say that they feel like failures as parents, wish they never had kids, or can't do attachment parenting....
http://www.rolereboot.org/family/details/2012-07-why-introverts-fail-at-attachment-parenting
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-klaassen/why-parenting-is-so-hard-for-introverts_b_5518659.html
http://pricklymom.blogspot.com/2013/01/attachment-parenting-for-introverts.html
so on and so on....
I beg to differ... I don't think it's that we can't STAND our kids; it's that we can't stand OTHER people. Our kids are naturally social creatures and we want to let them explore and experience the world so we venture out with them....ie introverts parenting like extroverts. This article hits it home more for me than the other ones....
http://ctworkingmoms.com/2012/12/14/its-hard-to-be-an-introverted-parent/
I would rather be relatively alone with my children, whether at home or doing something outside the home, than deal with anyone from the outside world. Especially small talk...especially about my children...because that gets into gloating and comparing and that's a whole other vent. I am perfectly content to be around my kids and have them be around me... it's the chaos of the everyday that gets me riled up and anxious. Getting up, getting everything prepared for the day, going to work, being around people(even co-workers I like), getting kids picked up, "traffic", coming home - dinner - activities - baths - bed, etc, etc. On grocery days, I get nauseous because now not only do I have to deal with the public - I have people fawning over the baby...whether she is in the carrier or in the car seat, which makes it super uncomfortable to be around. Usually she is in the carrier, because it's easier to wrangle a 4 year old and get the grocery items I need then walk away from a baby in a car seat in a grocery cart plus then people are more reluctant to touch the baby because she is in your personal space instead of her own.... so I get comments from 'cute baby' to 'you have your hands full' and 'do you like baby wearing'.... My responses range from smile, thanks, to yes it's amazing.
Which takes me to another point.... I am, I guess, an attachment parent. I could wear the baby in the carrier all day, I get stuff done, I don't have to worry about if she's rolling over somewhere, choking, or not breathing - and she would prefer it too, because she is so much more calm in it. I have slept with all my kids and continue to if it allows us all better sleep. I breastfeed on demand and for comfort because it is what my child needs. I don't let the baby(or any of the kids when they were babies) cry it out... I know pretty much what each cry means and can soothe fairly quickly. I know when and why my children need me and react as such. Obviously I am still only human and am learning on the fly... but you get it.
I loathe the phrase "you have to take time for yourself"... "you deserve a break". I have had people tell my husband to get me a spa day for a gift. I really wouldn't take it, and here's why: I would have a strangers hands on me, talking to me, trying to help me de-stress...and all the while I will continue to tense up because I don't have anything to talk about, it's weird, and I would be wondering what the kids/husband were doing. I maybe go out twice a year to get my hair cut alone, but majority of the times it's my hairstylist friend coming to my house and she does every one's hair all in the same night, I'm a very low maintenance person... for a night out I can shower, style my hair, do makeup, get dressed in the course of half an hour; normal day to day is around 10 minutes.
My 'me' time is a 10-20 minute shower(alone), reading a book during a rainy day, taking a nap (with the girls), quite time-no phones, no tv, no computers, or turning on my favorite show on the DVR at night after everything is done for the day to veg out for an hour.
Sure there are MANY times that I can't wait for bed time or I'm screaming at them to 'just take a nap' so I can just have that quite noise, while looking into the wonderment that I created....but, like in some of the above article, I'm not the "I can't handle you because you're just always there" type of mom.... Yes it is exhausting, and yes I sometimes think that I'm going insane and sometimes I envision walking/running away - but I always see myself with the two little ones in my 'running away' daydream. I'm a very unselfish/not self-centered person - everyone and everything else comes before me and my wants/needs. I know that I will never be alone without the kids and I'm really OK with this. I will repeat, what I am not OK with is ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD all the time. Whether this is too much of any combo of the following: family, co-workers, store employees, or general public. I don't want attention, let me fade into the background and observe. Let me look upon my incredible children while they have fun at the park or learning some new skill or experiencing a life lesson. Let me revel in the safety of my own head, while I'm silently screaming for you to get away from me so I can go home an collapse on the couch.
in·tro·vert
ˈintrəˌvərt/
noun
noun: introvert; plural noun: introverts
- 1.a shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.
- Psychologya person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.
Many sites will also tell you that introverts expend so much energy while dealing with the day-to-day life that they need consistent time to recharge - ie "ME Time".
The physical act of being around people is utterly exhausting to me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE to have adult time - talking with my daycare provider, visiting friends(or them visiting me), uninterrupted conversation with my husband, a good family/friends gathering, a nice night out.... but I can't do small talk... it just feels.. awkward and wrong, and truth be told I'm terrible about it. Ask me about the weather and I'll look around and it'll seem like I haven't noticed(because I haven't), then I'll smile and nod and be like "yeah *insert adjective* day". Conversations around my house between the kids and I are mainly "how was your day"....usually followed up with some sort of 'good' and maybe a few sentences about the particular day....throw in a few prompting questions "what did you and so and so do, did you go outside, what did you have for lunch"... then that's the end of it. I do a lot of so yeahh's at the end of the conversations with my husband and teenager because I don't know what else to say.
Many articles I read about introverted parents say that they feel like failures as parents, wish they never had kids, or can't do attachment parenting....
http://www.rolereboot.org/family/details/2012-07-why-introverts-fail-at-attachment-parenting
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/holly-klaassen/why-parenting-is-so-hard-for-introverts_b_5518659.html
http://pricklymom.blogspot.com/2013/01/attachment-parenting-for-introverts.html
so on and so on....
I beg to differ... I don't think it's that we can't STAND our kids; it's that we can't stand OTHER people. Our kids are naturally social creatures and we want to let them explore and experience the world so we venture out with them....ie introverts parenting like extroverts. This article hits it home more for me than the other ones....
http://ctworkingmoms.com/2012/12/14/its-hard-to-be-an-introverted-parent/
I would rather be relatively alone with my children, whether at home or doing something outside the home, than deal with anyone from the outside world. Especially small talk...especially about my children...because that gets into gloating and comparing and that's a whole other vent. I am perfectly content to be around my kids and have them be around me... it's the chaos of the everyday that gets me riled up and anxious. Getting up, getting everything prepared for the day, going to work, being around people(even co-workers I like), getting kids picked up, "traffic", coming home - dinner - activities - baths - bed, etc, etc. On grocery days, I get nauseous because now not only do I have to deal with the public - I have people fawning over the baby...whether she is in the carrier or in the car seat, which makes it super uncomfortable to be around. Usually she is in the carrier, because it's easier to wrangle a 4 year old and get the grocery items I need then walk away from a baby in a car seat in a grocery cart plus then people are more reluctant to touch the baby because she is in your personal space instead of her own.... so I get comments from 'cute baby' to 'you have your hands full' and 'do you like baby wearing'.... My responses range from smile, thanks, to yes it's amazing.
Which takes me to another point.... I am, I guess, an attachment parent. I could wear the baby in the carrier all day, I get stuff done, I don't have to worry about if she's rolling over somewhere, choking, or not breathing - and she would prefer it too, because she is so much more calm in it. I have slept with all my kids and continue to if it allows us all better sleep. I breastfeed on demand and for comfort because it is what my child needs. I don't let the baby(or any of the kids when they were babies) cry it out... I know pretty much what each cry means and can soothe fairly quickly. I know when and why my children need me and react as such. Obviously I am still only human and am learning on the fly... but you get it.
I loathe the phrase "you have to take time for yourself"... "you deserve a break". I have had people tell my husband to get me a spa day for a gift. I really wouldn't take it, and here's why: I would have a strangers hands on me, talking to me, trying to help me de-stress...and all the while I will continue to tense up because I don't have anything to talk about, it's weird, and I would be wondering what the kids/husband were doing. I maybe go out twice a year to get my hair cut alone, but majority of the times it's my hairstylist friend coming to my house and she does every one's hair all in the same night, I'm a very low maintenance person... for a night out I can shower, style my hair, do makeup, get dressed in the course of half an hour; normal day to day is around 10 minutes.
My 'me' time is a 10-20 minute shower(alone), reading a book during a rainy day, taking a nap (with the girls), quite time-no phones, no tv, no computers, or turning on my favorite show on the DVR at night after everything is done for the day to veg out for an hour.
Sure there are MANY times that I can't wait for bed time or I'm screaming at them to 'just take a nap' so I can just have that quite noise, while looking into the wonderment that I created....but, like in some of the above article, I'm not the "I can't handle you because you're just always there" type of mom.... Yes it is exhausting, and yes I sometimes think that I'm going insane and sometimes I envision walking/running away - but I always see myself with the two little ones in my 'running away' daydream. I'm a very unselfish/not self-centered person - everyone and everything else comes before me and my wants/needs. I know that I will never be alone without the kids and I'm really OK with this. I will repeat, what I am not OK with is ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD all the time. Whether this is too much of any combo of the following: family, co-workers, store employees, or general public. I don't want attention, let me fade into the background and observe. Let me look upon my incredible children while they have fun at the park or learning some new skill or experiencing a life lesson. Let me revel in the safety of my own head, while I'm silently screaming for you to get away from me so I can go home an collapse on the couch.
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