Get out of my STUFF!!!
Being a mother of 2 children 10 years apart, I have a 12 year old and a 2 year old, does have perks and then again it has disadvantages. So before I get in to the meat of this blog I'll list some of each...*note list is not all encompassing of both sides*
PERKS:
1. While getting ignored by one, you get cuddles and hugs from the other.
2. Teaching one about responsibility and consequences, you can provide a proper example for the other.
3. While teaching one about responsibility, you still have fun being a 'kid' with the other
4. Watching the oldest still have some symbolical instances of innocence while playing with the youngest.
5. Being able to watch more than just kids shows all the time when one child is still awake.
CONS:
1: Knowing the youngest is watching the eldest's attitudes toward me and mimicking them
2. The lack of help from either child - 1 being too young and 1 not caring enough to help out
3. Instilling the proper discipline across age group and getting "how come X doesn't get in trouble when she does that" - *because X is 2 and doesn't fully comprehend when you don't flush the toilet and someone else goes in there to use it...it's rude!*
4. The never ending power struggle - 1 trying to be independent and 1.....trying to be independent.
5. The wishful hope that they would get along better with the age span, than if they were born closer together.
"STOP MESSING WITH MY STUFF" is a regular term thrown around our house a lot! I have a very curious 2 year old, a very possessive 12 year old, I work from home 2 days a week and husband is attending school. Although most of the time the phrase is directed to said 2 year old from said 12 year old. I received the the brunt of the bitter laced words Thursday night.
I don't normally go over homework anymore, because she is in 7th grade and needs to figure out time management, responsibility and deadlines. I have given her tips and helped her when she needs it and prior to middle school have gone over and made sure homework was completed, of course. But personally I think when you're in 7th grade you should be able to start doing things without the parents checking to see if it's done, correct, and/or turned in. We are obviously there if she has questions and help if needed. And I do get daily emails from the school regarding her grades, so I know her points per assignment and if she has any missing.
So when she told me that school told her she couldn't go on a field trip because she had too many missing assignments and she said she didn't have that much missing, I asked her for her sheet and started looking through her school folders. After the first pile she says "not all that is homework or missing work", my reply "that's fine" and I continue to look....
"I don't like you going through my stuff...." was her come back
I stop....count to 100 in my head, quickly and reply in the calmest way:
"As your mother, caregiver, parent, guardian I have the right to go through your stuff as much as I want to. I don't go through anything hardly ever unless it's school work...and that's after you've set it on the table to be recycled....and after anything can be done about missing work or bad grades. I don't snoop in your room, your notebooks or diary. But I will go through your stuff when it is called for and when I choose."
and all I can think of is wanting to do this to her DS, brand new TV, Bluray player, and the Wii. *sure you can figure out what the link is without clicking on it*
Mind you husband and I are pretty laid back parents....help out when asked, keep room picked up, do dishes twice a week, and put away you laundry, then you can pretty much do whatever, go to friends(we let her spend the weekends there quite a bit), go to the park, sulk in your room, etc. In reality dishes get done twice a week AFTER being asked 5 times, rooms gets cleaned AT MOST once a month, and laundry sits in basket and she still gets to hang out with friends. We have the expectation of decent grades - meaning B's or above. We've tried monetary rewards, as well as negative consequences for disrespectful behavior and not getting things done. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but she REALLY has it pretty easy compared to probably most (since I really don't know how other parents run their teenagers I can't really say)....
but I'm still the worst mom in the world because I check her facebook every so often, care about her grades/health/peers/her, and have expectations. Sure, I'll push Taylor Swift out of the way to accept that award!
PERKS:
1. While getting ignored by one, you get cuddles and hugs from the other.
2. Teaching one about responsibility and consequences, you can provide a proper example for the other.
3. While teaching one about responsibility, you still have fun being a 'kid' with the other
4. Watching the oldest still have some symbolical instances of innocence while playing with the youngest.
5. Being able to watch more than just kids shows all the time when one child is still awake.
CONS:
1: Knowing the youngest is watching the eldest's attitudes toward me and mimicking them
2. The lack of help from either child - 1 being too young and 1 not caring enough to help out
3. Instilling the proper discipline across age group and getting "how come X doesn't get in trouble when she does that" - *because X is 2 and doesn't fully comprehend when you don't flush the toilet and someone else goes in there to use it...it's rude!*
4. The never ending power struggle - 1 trying to be independent and 1.....trying to be independent.
5. The wishful hope that they would get along better with the age span, than if they were born closer together.
"STOP MESSING WITH MY STUFF" is a regular term thrown around our house a lot! I have a very curious 2 year old, a very possessive 12 year old, I work from home 2 days a week and husband is attending school. Although most of the time the phrase is directed to said 2 year old from said 12 year old. I received the the brunt of the bitter laced words Thursday night.
I don't normally go over homework anymore, because she is in 7th grade and needs to figure out time management, responsibility and deadlines. I have given her tips and helped her when she needs it and prior to middle school have gone over and made sure homework was completed, of course. But personally I think when you're in 7th grade you should be able to start doing things without the parents checking to see if it's done, correct, and/or turned in. We are obviously there if she has questions and help if needed. And I do get daily emails from the school regarding her grades, so I know her points per assignment and if she has any missing.
So when she told me that school told her she couldn't go on a field trip because she had too many missing assignments and she said she didn't have that much missing, I asked her for her sheet and started looking through her school folders. After the first pile she says "not all that is homework or missing work", my reply "that's fine" and I continue to look....
"I don't like you going through my stuff...." was her come back
I stop....count to 100 in my head, quickly and reply in the calmest way:
"As your mother, caregiver, parent, guardian I have the right to go through your stuff as much as I want to. I don't go through anything hardly ever unless it's school work...and that's after you've set it on the table to be recycled....and after anything can be done about missing work or bad grades. I don't snoop in your room, your notebooks or diary. But I will go through your stuff when it is called for and when I choose."
and all I can think of is wanting to do this to her DS, brand new TV, Bluray player, and the Wii. *sure you can figure out what the link is without clicking on it*
Mind you husband and I are pretty laid back parents....help out when asked, keep room picked up, do dishes twice a week, and put away you laundry, then you can pretty much do whatever, go to friends(we let her spend the weekends there quite a bit), go to the park, sulk in your room, etc. In reality dishes get done twice a week AFTER being asked 5 times, rooms gets cleaned AT MOST once a month, and laundry sits in basket and she still gets to hang out with friends. We have the expectation of decent grades - meaning B's or above. We've tried monetary rewards, as well as negative consequences for disrespectful behavior and not getting things done. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....but she REALLY has it pretty easy compared to probably most (since I really don't know how other parents run their teenagers I can't really say)....
but I'm still the worst mom in the world because I check her facebook every so often, care about her grades/health/peers/her, and have expectations. Sure, I'll push Taylor Swift out of the way to accept that award!
I am right there with you sista. Grades are most important in this house hold, especially when I know what my 6, 7 and 13 year olds are capable of getting. It's hard when the oldest has the "I don't give a rats ass about anyone or anything" attitude. They have to give a crap first. All privileges have been taken away until grades are up. No friends houses, no face book, no video games, dvd player has been taken out of her room, etc. When those grades are up, she gets them back. The grades go down again, they get taken away again.
ReplyDeleteAS crazy as it sounds we have discovered we get more respect when they know we are going to follow through on EVERYTHING we say. This is something important my mom taught me (because she didn't and I knew she wouldn't). I've heard Brooke tell many people "I don't want to get in trouble. I don't want to sit at home all weekend!" Or I have to get my homework done if my grade drops I can't do anything" so she knows we will keep her home and more importantly if she treats us like crap all weekend because SHE got in trouble she spends the next weekend home with us too. Granted this took the better part of a year to prove to her we would not cave, but now the rules are the rules and she tries her best to stay out of trouble (she is a teenage girl)lol. Not saying that would work for everyone I just know for us trying to be nice and layed back (because we really wanted to be those parents) got us ran over and disrespected. Just remember who's in charge and I don"t know about you but I have to remind myself often! Best of luck someday she will be in her mid-20's and love you for all that you do now :)
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