Toilet Talk

It’s all fun and games until someone poops in the bathtub…

I’ll tell you a little something about myself, I find farting funny. The word (I really can’t even say it without giggling or cracking a smile), the sound, the smell (ok maybe not so much), the myth that women don’t do it (seriously we don’t), the way my dad tries to get my kids to ‘pull his finger’, the various types, the way my husband tries to blame it on the dog or the floor or a chair, the reactions of other people, ‘fluffing’, and I even loose my thought process if one is let loose while I’m talking (I have to take a second to compose myself before I can continue). 

So of course hilarity ensues at my house with the 2 year old let’s ‘em fly. We use various words or phrases to describe farting that include the word fart (teehee), toot(ing), let ‘er rip, gas, better out than in and stinky. Today she was especially gassy which usually leads to other items that come out of that end of the body, lets just say I lost count how many diapers I changed today.  So usually we have a round in the morning, some around lunch, after nap and before bed. Today ways anytime she ran, stretched, sat, jumped, and laying down, in which after I laughed, I asked repeatedly “do you have to poop?” or “did you poop?” – usually after the smell hits my nasal cavity…all were met with “NO”, then 10 minutes later “Mom I pooped.” And since said 2 year old is in a naked phase, 2 times were met with horror as she took her diaper off and found poop there (thankfully I was right there when she did it and no furniture items was harmed). 

While on the subject of poop – my 2 year old's can change consistency daily or even hourly, but my 12 year old truly amazes me, no I don’t make a point to check on her bowels BUT it’s hard to miss when the toilet doesn’t flush and I have to fix it. Logs doesn’t even come close…boulders maybe is closer, but really it can’t be too comfortable. I like to think I give my children plenty of options and healthy foods, not that they eat them, which I know can affect digestive tracts. But man…. I guess no one ever tells you this stuff in parenting classes or books.

Moving on…rather back. Last Thursday I cleaned the bathroom, much like I do each week – and I had an odd feeling that something was going to get it gross again. Bath time went normally enough, bubbles, play time, fighting while washing up, shampoo hair, rinse, wipe off face, and play some more. Then farting began, giggles and laughing about ‘making bubbles’ and what not. After about 3 rounds of this, I asked if she felt like she had to go poop, of course was met with "no"(favorite word) – so I went about pulling my hair back to wash my face and brush my teeth, all of the sudden I hear this “OH NO MOM – I pooped”. This has happened before, when she was an infant, and I get that she doesn’t had FULL control of her body systems to know when to hold it, not to mention she has absolutely no interest in the potty. But in the bath tub… so we got out, cleaned up, dressed and I cleaned the bathroom twice that day.

This evening – note the extra gas/multiple dirty diapers I mentioned earlier – the same thing happened. After about 3 rounds of farting, laughing, "I’m just tooting" giggles, I explained to the 2 year old that if she felt that she had to poop to let me know and we’d get out, because we don’t want to poop in the bath again. Continue to play for a little while and then the following conversation occurs:

“Mom – I did”

“You did what honey”

“I pooped”

“Where?” – we over did it on bubbles and I couldn't see anything

“In the bath”

“Really?” real thought: are you f’ing kidding me….again! - so much for me not swearing

“Yup”

“OK, lets get out – sit on your potty and finish”

"But I'm done - it's in the bath"

"Oh I know...."

Get the bathtub free of excrement, clean her up and get her dressed. 

I get the cleaning supplies and over hear this:

“Daddy, I pooped in the bath”

“I know – you know sometimes when you fart, you poop a little”

“Yeah I did!” proud as can be

And the bathroom is clean once again.