Birthdays and Relief
Last month I gained another year - I can no longer say that I'm 30...I've gone into the realm of 30-something, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Though it has gotten me thinking about a lot of stuff - which sometimes is a bad thing.
First let me step up on a soapbox: Why is 30 THE age? The age when you should have done something with your life, should have found that special someone/gotten married/started a family. Why is 30 the turning point in some one's life - when they go "Oh SHIT I'm 30 and I have done NOTHING with my life!" and then break down in tears, go on a shopping binge or throw a pity party. Why is it when someone, especially women, reach the age of 30 they are too 'old' to start over, yet still too 'young' to be stagnate or unhappy with their life. They are viewed as being unaccomplished, uneducated, or incapable if they are not successful, not in a high position at work, haven't gotten married/had kids, haven't gotten a higher ed degree, don't have a car/house/living on their own, or are not working 60-80 hours a day at work to 'get ahead'/be seen as equals. What makes 30 that special age - what if you are 30 and still have no idea "what you want to be when you grow up"? What if you are 30 and are unhappy in the things you 'worked so hard for'? What if you are 30 and want to overhaul your life and try something new? Why at 30 do you have to choose between keeping on keeping on or looked down upon for wanting a change? Why at 30 should you have to decide how your life is going to be? *steps down*
I may have not accomplished 'success' in the business sense, such as being a Sr leader, CEO, or owner of a company - then again I've never wanted that. I'm sure I have the capability and the skills, the desire and drive - but just never saw myself as such. Not to say that I don't want to grow in my career and become respected and "successful" at it - just not sure what that exactly means. So here at 31 I am questioning those points in the exact rant above - what have I done or didn't do in my life that is significant, what do I have to show for it, or why haven't I done more.....
I then take a look around and see my life:
I have 2 beautiful daughters that are curious, funny, energetic, and creative.
I have a 13 year old self that I can relay the perils of teenagedom, even if she won't listen.
I have an almost 3 year old that lights up my dark and keeps me honest.
I have a loving husband that will carry the world for me if I ask him to.
I have a husband that accepts me for who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.
I have friends and family that accept my need for space, yet will come running at one phone call.
I have friends that I don't need to see daily or even monthly that we can pick up right where we were when we saw each other last.
I have skills in my profession and continue to challenge myself to become better.
I have an education that allows me to have knowledge and expertise in a targeted area that can help so many people.
I have a house to call my own.
I have a wickedly satisfying addiction to coffee.
I have a work environment that keeps me on my toes and constantly thinking.
I have a boss that pretty much respects my way of completing projects and sees my growth potential - although sometime a little out there - he allows me to do what I do, the way I need to do it.
I have just enough money to keep my debt in check and provide food for my family.
I have a drive to become something more than what I set myself up for.
I have a hope that my children will be able to have the life that they dream, whatever that may be.
I have a love that surpasses all the problems that can come up in any given time.
I have a soul that live on through my actions, my words, and my dreams.
I am healthy and capable of anything I want to do.
I have goals, dreams, and aspirations. There are so many more things that I want to do with my life. And know that I can accomplish so much more. I want to be successful - I just don't know if the traditional way of 'working your butt off at the sacrifice of everything else' is the perfect way to go about it.
But at 31, I think I have a pretty darn good start.
First let me step up on a soapbox: Why is 30 THE age? The age when you should have done something with your life, should have found that special someone/gotten married/started a family. Why is 30 the turning point in some one's life - when they go "Oh SHIT I'm 30 and I have done NOTHING with my life!" and then break down in tears, go on a shopping binge or throw a pity party. Why is it when someone, especially women, reach the age of 30 they are too 'old' to start over, yet still too 'young' to be stagnate or unhappy with their life. They are viewed as being unaccomplished, uneducated, or incapable if they are not successful, not in a high position at work, haven't gotten married/had kids, haven't gotten a higher ed degree, don't have a car/house/living on their own, or are not working 60-80 hours a day at work to 'get ahead'/be seen as equals. What makes 30 that special age - what if you are 30 and still have no idea "what you want to be when you grow up"? What if you are 30 and are unhappy in the things you 'worked so hard for'? What if you are 30 and want to overhaul your life and try something new? Why at 30 do you have to choose between keeping on keeping on or looked down upon for wanting a change? Why at 30 should you have to decide how your life is going to be? *steps down*
I may have not accomplished 'success' in the business sense, such as being a Sr leader, CEO, or owner of a company - then again I've never wanted that. I'm sure I have the capability and the skills, the desire and drive - but just never saw myself as such. Not to say that I don't want to grow in my career and become respected and "successful" at it - just not sure what that exactly means. So here at 31 I am questioning those points in the exact rant above - what have I done or didn't do in my life that is significant, what do I have to show for it, or why haven't I done more.....
I then take a look around and see my life:
I have 2 beautiful daughters that are curious, funny, energetic, and creative.
I have a 13 year old self that I can relay the perils of teenagedom, even if she won't listen.
I have an almost 3 year old that lights up my dark and keeps me honest.
I have a loving husband that will carry the world for me if I ask him to.
I have a husband that accepts me for who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.
I have friends and family that accept my need for space, yet will come running at one phone call.
I have friends that I don't need to see daily or even monthly that we can pick up right where we were when we saw each other last.
I have skills in my profession and continue to challenge myself to become better.
I have an education that allows me to have knowledge and expertise in a targeted area that can help so many people.
I have a house to call my own.
I have a wickedly satisfying addiction to coffee.
I have a work environment that keeps me on my toes and constantly thinking.
I have a boss that pretty much respects my way of completing projects and sees my growth potential - although sometime a little out there - he allows me to do what I do, the way I need to do it.
I have just enough money to keep my debt in check and provide food for my family.
I have a drive to become something more than what I set myself up for.
I have a hope that my children will be able to have the life that they dream, whatever that may be.
I have a love that surpasses all the problems that can come up in any given time.
I have a soul that live on through my actions, my words, and my dreams.
I am healthy and capable of anything I want to do.
I have goals, dreams, and aspirations. There are so many more things that I want to do with my life. And know that I can accomplish so much more. I want to be successful - I just don't know if the traditional way of 'working your butt off at the sacrifice of everything else' is the perfect way to go about it.
But at 31, I think I have a pretty darn good start.
I really enjoyed reading this, Rachel. Very deep and honest, and you're so very right in all of it. And life isn't about CEO status or how high up a person can get...when it boils down to it, what's really going to matter is how you raised your children and being there for them, how you loved and cared for your husband and family, who you are as a person, and how you loved the people you encounter. I REALLY admire you for writing this, and for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDelete-Briar
Great piece!
ReplyDeleteZorana