Mental Musings

This saying comes out of the 4 year old's mouth almost constantly.  Most of the time it's in response to me apologizing for not doing something with her or not being able to cater to her needs at the current moment "it's ok mommy", or if she's trying to be independent and I step in to 'help'... "it's ok mommy, I can do it", as well as when I try to be a little over controlling and just do things for her to get it done or when I want her to do something and she's not doing it... "it's ok mommy, I'm still playing with it, it's ok".  And you know what - "IT" is OK.  and in my increasing diminishing energy due to my last month of pregnancy and I'm sure the long recovery and energy usage of having 3 children.... I'm learning that it truly is ok and to simply let go of somethings....and really trying to let go of the 'end of the world', out of control, chaos will ensue feeling that happens ...

It's was misty/foggy/dreary day yesterday..... there's something about fog and mist that allows one to become more aware and to see things almost for the first time. Cars, buildings, lights, and people slowly come in to focus - appearing out of nowhere - much like they didn't exist until the fog parts and headlights shine, letting you know that they are there and to pay attention. The fog tends to blind us, yet it reminds us to keep our eyes open and to watch for important information - such as a car stopping, a person walking, stop lights changing - but it really reminds us to shake our own head to clear the fog and mist and truly see where our life is going. Are you happy? Are you doing something every day to achieve your goals or dreams? Are you spending every moment doing something that you love? and if not....why? What do you need to change to overcome the obstacle preventing you from being happy or achieving your dreams.....or better yet what is stopping you from ...

The thing about life changes is that you tend to forget about other things that matter too.... I'm having a hard time getting back in to this blogging thing. Mainly the lack of the ability to form complete thoughts...things start - I think about a lot of things, then they flutter away like the leave outside my window on a cold, windy night. Quotes run through my head - no, not famous ones....ones I make up as retorts to people around me. Comebacks for the idiot majority that has no idea that their life has or will have any meaning. Tongue lashings that will never be voiced because of who the world has conditioned me to be.  I never used to be that way - I used to really tell who ever, what ever I wanted and be able to walk away without any guilt or distaste.  Does this mean I grew up - not so sure....part of me screams that I lost myself and it's clawing it's way back tooth and nail to the surface. Oh sure I can put on a 'face' to the general public...then com...

So no one tells you when you have kids or more than one kid or when you decide to have another kid when you are finally old enough and responsible enough....how isolating it can be. No one ever tells you how much you will crave another human in adult form. No one ever prepares you for the word vomit any time someone over the age of 20 talks to you about anything remotely significant, such as "Hi, how are you today" at the grocery check out line and then you explaining why you are buying milk(because your 3 year old wanted cereal and you ran out of milk at bedtime the night before). No one prepares you for the absolute need for a connection to someone else in your shoes, such as your massage therapist rubbing your sore muscles while swapping horror stories on your 3 & 4 year-old attitudes that morning. Even spending an extra 1/2 hour with you daycare provider when you pick up your child, talking about things that have absolutely no relation to how your child's day was....

When I started this blog I thought "What an awesome a way to get back in to writing without having to stick to a set style and without seeming too whiny". I never really thought it would take off or become a viral blog right away. Nor did I expect live blog sites to be spamming my email begging me to write for them and paying me for it - although that is still a distant dream. What I did expect is that I would be funny, insightful, and it would be laden with advice and stories of what my kids do and what I experience - much like this group of ladies . Yet without being too overbearing with "TMI" instances or too intimate in to the inner workings of my family that we loose privacy. I did expect that I would write at least weekly, but alas 8 blog posts and 4 months later - I'm struggling with content and frequency. Since I seem to like making lists in my blogs, last night I began thinking of thing I could write about: 1. Potty training - struggles and succes...

Last month I gained another year - I can no longer say that I'm 30...I've gone into the realm of 30-something, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Though it has gotten me thinking about a lot of stuff - which sometimes is a bad thing. First let me step up on a soapbox:  Why is 30 THE age? The age when you should have done something with your life, should have found that special someone/gotten married/started a family. Why is 30 the turning point in some one's life - when they go "Oh SHIT I'm 30 and I have done NOTHING with my life!" and then break down in tears, go on a shopping binge or throw a pity party. Why is it when someone, especially women, reach the age of 30 they are too 'old' to start over, yet still too 'young' to be stagnate or unhappy with their life. They are viewed as being unaccomplished, uneducated, or incapable if they are not successful, not in a high position at work, haven't gotten married/had kids, haven...

Society over the years has taught us to be shameful of our bodies - no matter how 'skinny,' 'toned,' or 'fit'. To cover it up, to hide it because "No One wants to see 'that'"! We have been conditioned to loose the weight and keep it off, because if you do - your partner will love you more, you will get a better job, your kids will treat you better, your friends will want to hang out more, and a plethora of other lame excuses to make you feel bad enough about yourself to starve, work and run your body down until you are 'happy'.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing exercise; losing weight to be healthier, have more energy, sleep better, and be able to take care of your family more - YES - but that doesn't mean you have to be a size 0 or 2 or even a size 8. It's about what is healthy for you and your body and what makes you feel good. My 2 year old has taught me something over the last few months - it feels great to b...